25 April 2012

going up, coming down (air sickness: the humiliation of flying in 2012)

today i'm back from the incredible high point furniture market, and i should be putting my nose to the grindstone to catch up on the work i missed during the time i was gone, as well as going through the hundreds of pictures i took in NC, but instead i find myself in bed.

no, i'm not in bed because i'm depressed over missing all the amazing friends i've spent the past five days with (though that is kinda sad), but rather because i came home sick. as in fever, headache, cough, etc... and why am i sick? well, it might be due to the hundreds of people i shook hands with, hugged, and kissed over the past week (i only made out with a couple, mind you ;-), but since those were all happy events, and i hate to think of happy things as causing sickness, instead, i blame this:

yes, the dreaded flying petri dish.

remember when flying was a glamorous experience, like on mad men? well, neither do i, really, but i do remember when it wasn't a horrible, awful, degrading, experience like it is now. having to show up to teh airport hours before your flight becuase of the threat of out of control security lines and stressing out if you are even a tiny bit late; then being forced to spend an arm and a leg on shitty airport food if you do get there early because there is nothing else to do, and no seats near your gate because they are all loaded up with the excess baggage nobody wants to check now that it costs 25 bucks a bag.

then there is the delightful "remove your shoes, belts, and jackets before entering the security checkpoint." um, great- forced public stripping!  since i am all waist and no butt, removing my belt always means that the next steps i take could result in gravity taking over and being pantsless in public! this kind of thing i like to save for special occasions, not being forced into it in a crowded airport. i also REALLY enjoy having my nice clean socks touch the grimy airport floor and then having to wear them for hours- so hygienic and fun!

perhaps even worse is "remove all liquids from your carryon and place in the plastic bins." you know, 'cuz the world really needs to be exposed to all the jams, jellies and potions in my regime de beauté. a security agent once asked me why i was carrying a little bottle of olive oil-  "it's in case i want to make an italian meal in flight, silly! but if you reaaaaally must know, it's to make my hair look shiny & healthy, instead of like a big dry bush on top of my head.  happy now, ma'am?" (btw, the olive oil trick works, especially if you have thick, porous hair like me, and it lasts longer than the moroccan oil being sold for 10x the price at your salon).

oh, and let's not advertise the internets on the tray tables WHEN YOU DO NOT OFFER INFLIGHT WIRELESS. it is in bad taste, and simply reminds people like myself about how much time we are wasting on your flight when we could be answering emails and conducting business! (and yes, i consider facebook and twitter  to both be business; just because they can also be fun, doesn't mean they aren't a business tool as well).  it's two-thousand-and-freaking-twelve, US airways- open up your tightass wallet and add internet as well as seatback television to ALL planes, like a civilized airline!

last to add insult to injury, this is what i enjoyed the entire time during my 4.5 hour flight. (i wish i could kick the chair you are sitting in to simulate the fact that in the brief moments when this child wasn't crying, it was pounding  on the tray table. i don't blame mother of the child for the crying- as a 5x uncle, i know that sh*t happens, and that sometimes a child just can't be calmed; but i do blame mom for the pounding on teh tray table- you can find another way to distract your child other than making my flight even more rotten):

still, miracle of miracles, i got to where i was going, and had a wonderful, wonderful, time in high point. i will be posting lots of pictures in future posts, so stay tuned. in the meantime, here's a cute pic jill seidner of the material girls, snapped of our high point antics:
moi with Ashlina of The Decorista, Crystal of Plush Palate & Rue Magazine, and Cassandra of Coco + Kelley, during cocktails at the glam oly studio showroom.

ps- richard says "hi". while i was typing this, he walked across my keyboard and left teh following question for y'all to answer:

drwerlrlrr,rr rrirrtrr rrrrrcrorf? 

love how he ended it with a grammatically correct question mark. smart kitty cat.


Paul Anater said...

I thought the olive oil trick was mine and mine alone. I'm glad to know we're fellow-travelers when it comes to hair care.

Splendid Sass said...

Oh my gosh! How awful. Life is not as much fun as it was, and because of a few pathetic people.
I have that you feel better. Let the little animals/peoples fix soup!
Happy Wednesday, if possible.

maison21 said...

@paul- i learned the olive oil trick from a hair stylist, years and years ago and have unfailing used it every day since- it really works!

@teresa- you are so sweet. my wednesday really wasn't that bad, and i was actually feeling well enough some work done by the end of the day. early to bed tonight, though!

mikky said...

Ooof, I feel for you. I hate all the unpleasantries of flying too - having your snacks confiscated, no fresh air for hours while you sit waiting & feeling like you want to jump in the shower the moment you get off the plane. If only private jets were more affordable or had an insanely rich relative!!!
Hope you feel better soon.


mary said...

Richard is a great writer....I think he's just glad that you are home. For Richard, sick is good: more cuddle time! Thanks for the coming updates and hope that you are much much better tomorrow. Mary

Christy Davis said...

Sorry to hear you are sick...High Point was a blast and success for me as well! It was nice meeting you at the Press seminar on Monday. BTW, this post was hilarious! And did you know olive oil is good for your face if you have dry skin too. Get well soon!

EMI Interior Design, inc. said...

Lol ! Your blog is always so entertaining !
I can't wait to hear all about High Point Market again . :)

EMI Interior Design, inc. said...

Lol! Your blog is always so entertaining :)
Despite your awful travel , sounds like you had a blast !
Can't wait to hear all about HPM ! I'm tagging along next time :)

EMI Interior Design, inc. said...

Lol ! Your blog is always so entertaining !
I can't wait to hear all about High Point Market again . :)